I only really learnt how to say NO at 40

Looking back, that probably isn’t surprising.

Growing up in an Asian family, the unspoken rule was simple — don’t have problems. And if you do, you deal with them quietly. You figure it out yourself. You don’t make it a thing.

As the eldest child, that became my default setting. There wasn’t really anyone to talk things through with. I was told what to do, what was right, what was wrong… but not really how to process things in between.

You probably know the script: good school → good grades → university → stable job → marriage → kids.

I followed it… loosely. I was an average student — not the top, not the worst. But “average” somehow always came with the message that I could (and should) do better. And interestingly, up till this day, most of the people who’ve told me I’m good at something… weren’t family.

So somewhere along the way, I learnt this: if I wanted something, I had to work for it.

My early “negotiation” days

When I think back now, I realise I started learning how to create my own opportunities pretty young.

Story 1: A bowl of noodles

I lost my wallet one day and had to stay back in school for activities. Which meant… no money for lunch. So I went to the fishball noodle aunty (I was a regular), and somehow negotiated a deal: I would help her wash a big pail of used bowls in exchange for a bowl of noodles. At that time, it just felt like survival. Now, it sounds almost entrepreneurial.

Story 2: Access to the “exclusive” eco garden

In primary school, there was this eco garden with a pond and turtles. It was gated, and only the “top class” students had access to it. I wasn’t one of them. But I loved animals. I really wanted to be in there. So I made a deal with a teacher — I would come early every morning to collect a bucket of snails around the school compound to feed the turtles… in exchange for access. Looking back, I basically negotiated my way into a members-only club.

Over time though, something shifted.

I stopped wanting to ask people for things. Asking felt uncomfortable. It felt like I had to justify myself, or prove something. So I leaned into what felt safer: work hard, earn my own money, depend on myself.

Finding my “voice” through independence

In college, I started selling my handicrafts on Yahoo Auctions and eBay. The money wasn’t huge, but it was mine. Enough to buy small things I liked — like music CDs.

Then right after my A level exams, I got a part-time sales job… and stayed in it all the way through university. Before I even started uni, I was earning more than my monthly allowance — over SGD2000.

It wasn’t easy money. I stood all day, dealt with all kinds of customers you can imagine, had lunch and dinner at odd timings, worked public holidays for extra pay. But it gave me something I didn’t realise I was looking for: A sense of control. And with that came… a voice.

When “speaking up” didn’t land well

Here’s the thing though. When I did start speaking up, it didn’t always go well. I was told I was “aggressive” and “defensive”. That comment stayed with me. It landed hard.

So even though I could speak, I still held back in many ways. Saying no. Setting boundaries. Challenging things. It didn’t feel natural.

The turning point

Everything really shifted in 2022, when I burnt out from work and had to make a change. That was when I started my own healing journey — exploring and getting certified in yoga, sound therapy, energy work, and now, hypnotherapy. I can see how hypnotherapy can be a really helpful modality. I am in the midst of getting certified. Looking forward to share this practice in the months to come.

Out of everything, sound therapy helped me release emotions I didn’t even realise I had been holding onto for years.

And something else started to change too.

Even though I’ve always been someone who is comfortable speaking in public, for the first time, I started to feel more at ease:

• saying no

• setting boundaries

• expressing what I actually think and feel

It didn’t happen overnight. But it felt… freeing.

Seeing it in others too

I once worked with a client who struggled to say no. To her, it wasn’t even an option — it just didn’t exist in her world.

And then one day, she did it.

She came back and told me about it — the way her face lit up, the genuine relief and surprise… like she had just discovered a whole new way of being.

That moment stayed with me.

More than just relaxation

Most people think sound healing is just about relaxation. And yes, it can help the body rest. But when we start working through deeper layers — the emotions we’ve held in, the patterns we’ve carried for years — things begin to shift in how we live, not just how we feel in a session.

For me, it became part of learning how to speak my truth. Gently. Honestly. Without needing to fight or prove.

If you’ve been holding things in…finding it hard to say no…or unsure how to express what you really feel… you’re not alone.

And sometimes, it’s not about forcing yourself to speak louder.

It’s about slowly creating the space within… where your voice feels safe enough to come through.

If you’re feeling ready to explore this for yourself, I offer sessions that gently support emotional release and inner balance through sound.

You’re welcome to reach out and see if it feels right for you.